Annual crash course on a year’s of Wileen’s life..
- Quite a number of events had made realized how insignificant my inexistence was to a group of friends I held dear to. It was difficult; I had to talk to a few of my most trusted confidants before I could really detach myself from them. The saddest part was not the process of drifting away. It was the part where you were not missed, not mentioned of, and not spoken to. Sure, we do bump into each other once in a while, we passed words of hi-s and bye-s. Yet, in an unspoken manner, we all knew those words exchanged were nothing but merely a form of courtesy. I mean, I knew I never really did fit in. I also knew I was not a friend whom they can do without. But still it sucked, having affirmed that they do not cherish anything you have done for them. Then again, maybe all the things I thought etched a place in their hearts were nothing spectacular, but just a passing of notion. I do not know, I will not know and I guess I finally do not care anymore.
- I went Taiwan! Yes, I did! It was a wonderful experience, all the 8 days spent in Taipei. I tasted the most yummilicious food there, visited the most breathtaking sights, walked the longest distance to Fisherman’s Wharf, and did hell lot of shopping there. I even set foot on the school that was used to film Jay Zhou’s movie - Secret, took the Ferris wheel at Miramar Shopping Center, and went to Jiufen where it was used as an inspiration for the set of the animation - Spirited Away. I must say that I had a whale of time in Taipei!! But of course, my thoroughly enjoyed trip was not completed without my great travel companion, Miss Xan Tan. I am really glad that we did this together, especially when no one else seemed interested in joining the trip with us to Taipei. Well, who said the more is merrier? I think two’s a great company! Don’t you agree, Xan?
- Taipei was great; Taipei also brought forth an end to my love-less life. It was because of that trip that I got to know Mr. W. Oon, who happened to be on a trip to Taipei too. Our love did not blossom during the trip, it began on one movie night when our dear friend, Mr. Tng, fell asleep and was hopeless in waking up. So Mr. Oon and I went ahead for a movie and got to know each other a tad better. I do not know whether if it had anything to do with the cup noodles we shared, or did Robert Downey, Jr. put up a show too captivating for us, somehow we shared comfort with each other in that otherwise boring night. Things just moved on from there, and I have been really happy, having been bestowed with a guy like him who saw the beauty in me, embraced my flaws, and still loves me the same.
- Many weddings. Many new borns. Way too many. To name a few, if not all, there were weddings of:
- Hao Ran and Huiling - Isnarti and Husband
- Ryan and Elicia
- Soo Beng and Janice
- Siang Ping and Felicia
- Vernon and Judy
Babies:
- Joelle
- Khaipin’s baby
- Esther’s baby
- Jonas
And right after the passing of year 2008, was Jen’s wedding and Hz’s ROM. Wang Wang’s wedding is up next towards the end of January 2009, and I am already booked for Lijie’s wedding in July this year. My hands are already numb from all that giving of red packets. Bad economy is not helping
- I am still curious what happened to Ms. Dorothy Soo Der Min. This year, I gained a friend back but I lost another. I knew the reasons for my friends who somehow crept away from my life, however Ms. Dot’s disappearance remained a huge mystery that none can decipher. Is my friendship to these friends so dispensable and taken for granted? (*Double sigh*)
- I believe I had my most memorable birthday this year. Thanks to Mr. W. Oon for his rather elaborated celebration for me. Surprises started 2 days before my birthday and I think he really did put in plenty of effort in all that planning.
18 June - Wow factor number 1 was the very lovely Bottega Venetta coin purse.
19 June - I received a huge bouquet of flowers in my office and he sprang a surprise visit at my place with a cake by the stroke of midnight.
20 June - In the evening, he took me to my very first ride on the Singapore Flyer, because he knew I super-love ferris wheels.
Perhaps to some, these were not great gestures, but I must say that he is the first person who made me feel like my birthday is actually a special day. I was truly pampered, and unfortunately for him, he has set a benchmark for himself on my next birthday.
- My teeth are finally straightened! Now, I do not want to be reminded how crooked they were before. One more year to go!
- I fulfilled my “life-long” dream of buying myself a designer bag. Since now that I have a reasonable and stable salary, I decided that it is time to act now, or I face deliberation and never get one. So I sourced around for a while, and concluded that brands like Louis Vuitton, Gucci, and Coach were way too common among our rather well-to-do Singapore Citizens, and if I have to get one, I want one bag that is different and less ordinary. One morning, I woke up from my snooze on my way to work and saw a lady carrying a really nice Prada bag. I was in awe as I have never really liked the brand, mainly because I had conveniently linked it to our secondary school day’s fashion. Remember that Prada nylon bag along with Chantel Thomas, Sonia Rykiel and Fendi? Well, those were the “in” brands back then. However, I really liked one Prada bag that I saw and bought it almost immediately. That adrenaline rush, and the retail experience, were priceless (and pricey at the same time).
- Eat, eat, eat and eat. Wedding dinners, Christmas dinners, New Year Dinner, Birthday dinners……… All that seemingly endless 10 course meals, pot luck and buffets, no wonder I am feeling fat. I am only too glad that I have started jogging again. I shall use SHAPE’s 5 km run as my goal. I have only reached my 3 km mark by the end of year 2008, and I hope I do better this year. Oh, I mean, I have to.
- 2008’s New Year Eve’s countdown to 2009 was spent with my dearest cousin. After work, I went to meet her at Yishun where we then made our way to Causeway point for dinner at Jack’s Place. Dinner was delightful. We have planned to sip wine and countdown at an obscure corner under Fullerton Hotel. So we lugged 2 bottles of red wine from Cold Storage and proceeded to Raffles Place. We should not have underestimated the amount of people who will be counting down at Raffles Place! Everywhere was blocked by the police, and people were pushing one another. It drove us nuts. We did not know that there was a fireworks display in that area at all! Desperate to find a less crowded place where we can settle down and quench our thirst with the 2 bottles of red wine in our bags, we walked, AND walked, from Raffles Place> Fullerton Hotel > Padang> Raffles City> Parkview Square (Yes, my work place. To think I was actually there in the morning. Argh). So, seat conquered, with no crowd. We counted down with the peeps shouting from Haji Lane and hooray! It was finally New Year! Then the fireworks went off, and all we saw were reflections on the building’s walls. Yes, we had a “great view” and it was indeed “exciting”. Then as we were both indulging in some intensive cam whoring, the security guard came to shoo us away as they are closing soon. We had no choice but to settle at a very “romantic” seat along the road. Oh, did I forget to mention the very friendly cockroach that sat beside us? Scared the life out of us. Now, how perfect is that to you? Yet, despite the very long walk and the bad shock we both suffered from, we actually did enjoy ourselves that night. I really believed the wonderful company we had with each other surpassed all that exhaustion and frustration we felt. I guess I did end off year 2008 in a memorable fashion.
So, here you go. One year of my mundane life. It may have been a little disappointing in certain aspects, but I felt that I have gained so much more than it appeared to be.
I lost one good friend in the hassles of life, but gained a “kampong-ful” of friends in return. Last year, I labeled myself as the love-less bitch. This year I found love. I thought I would not enjoy traveling all that much, but now I think I have to admit I do. Many times, I felt I have lost things I cherished, but upon reminiscing, those things lost, were not worth looking back. I know I am not proficient in looking pass things, but at the very least, I am moving forward. For that, I give myself a pad on my shoulder.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)Hello 2009!
Ciao~
Tonight, I tossed away a part of my memories.
Down the chute it went,
As I no longer see the need to reminisce.
We have all moved on, so many years later.
The angst I felt, the pain I encountered,
Have all became steps I took to grow up.
Things I did not understand then,
I understood now.
Or so I hope…
Sure, there were happy moments,
They just did not last, like most of us know by now
Yet, happiness is probably the one thing we can rely on,
Instead of dwelling in the sadness, and live life in despair.
Maybe we will never understand why people change.
Why our best friend can betray us,
Or why our loved one left us.
Why trust becomes simply an overused word.
Why we gave it away and can never get it back.
Such are probably questions with answers we do not get.
But, it is a choice.
To smile, or to frown.
You determine whether today is a perfect day,
Or the worst day of your life.
You decide if today is the day you throw away your sorrow
And start anew tomorrow.
Well, I did it tonight.
Diaries I kept for years no longer within my sight.
I guess I did it right
No more darkness to fight.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)
Life’s a bitch..
I hate moments when I start feeling emotional for no apparent reason. I wonder if I am really discontent with my life, or am I simply lacking directions. I know that it is all but a cliché, but life has recently been especially monotonous. I see no passion in the things I do, every passing moment is just a drag to me. Is this all about growing up and growing old?
I miss the lustre I used to have in my life. I still want to be the gummi bear jumping here and there and everywhere. Am I conforming to what the society wants in a working adult?
I wish I have the courage to pursue the things I love, be more confident and put my best foot forward. I wish I have no regrets, and stop dreaming about what-ifs and could-bes. I also wish I stop dwelling on the feeling of heartaches and heartbreaks.
Love is a pain. Yet, life can be quite a bitch without it too. And in a sick conclusion, I’m a loveless bitch. Yeah, I love to poke fun at myself. I only hope someone is there to share my humour. Laugh with me, not at me.
Still, I am my own dependency.
I told myself not to be envious of others’ supposed happiness. Yet, I cannot help but to peer at the corner of my eye and wonder why can’t I have the same kind of smile the girl has on her blissful face.
Damned, I sound like a desperado already.
Yeah, yeah. You say I’m picky. Perhaps I really am. Precisely why I feel like kicking myself real hard now. Something’s wrong with me. Is it really that hard to reach for something I think I want?
Uncategorized | Comment (0)Hello 2008 (I already feel a lot older)
Crash Course on a year of Wileen’s life:
1. My ex-friend/ex-colleague who stole my wallet while at work was finally convicted. However, the sentence was light and he got away with a fine of merely SGD1500 in lieu of 3 weeks jail time. I’m not a stoned hearted person, but I really felt that the fine was not an amount that will etch a lesson in his heart. He still has his life, his job, and his girlfriend (also my ex-colleague who blindly stood by him). While I lost my possessions, a friend, and my trust in yet another person. I don’t know what’s your take on this, whether if it was justice done. I’m still disgusted by the thought of him, and my “friends/colleagues” who seemingly knew but acted along with him in front of me while I still joked and enjoyed working with them around. Evil people walk among us. One word for me – FOOLISH.
2. We lost Jane in 2006, and in 2007, I lost another two friends. Goodbye Alex and KK. I hope the both of you are in a better place now.
3. I think it’s almost official. Miss Dorothy Soo Der Min has gone missing from my life. No smses, no phone calls from her, not even a “hello” on MSN. Don’t ask me why. I had no freaking idea too. I guess our friendship was just not as valuable to her like it was to me. All those times we spent hanging out together at our usual spot, the late night aimless spins, and the depressing moments we spend sobbing did not amount to anything I suppose. I even had to literally dream of bumping into her. Yeah, I do miss her a lot as a great pal. But I had given up asking her out and I think I’m giving up thinking about how great our friendship had been too.
4. I lost him. I do not remember how I made it pass this year without his usual company. I missed a lot of things about us, but I know all good things come to an end. I should not have believed him when he said he wanted to grow old with me. I think what he really meant was to grow OLDER with me. Saw with my own eyes that perhaps being special did not mean anything to him at all. Maybe I am not the only one categorized as so. He should have known a lot better than to hurt me the same way like that jerk did. Sure, we are still in contact. The friendship is still cool. I’m just not sure how much good it is doing to me. Another word for me – BLINDED.
5. 2007 marked the toughest year for me in terms of job hunting. Let me see: Bain & Mercer, True Yoga, iShop, Standard Chartered Bank and finally my current job. Haha! 5 jobs in half a year’s time. I’m really quite something. Perhaps the only time I’d call myself impressive. A pretty taunting period for me though.
6. Do you like dramas? I do! In fact, I lost count of how many dramas I have watched in 2007. English, Korean, Taiwanese etc. English dramas such as Heroes and Prison break were great! (New seasons come out soon please!!) They had provided me with great entertainment. On the down side, I think I had an overloading of love comedy dramas. All those fairytale-like stories and cute male leads drilled impossible dreams (not obscene) into my head. But but but, such ideals do not exist in our highly realistic world. Note to myself (and JX) – Stop fantasizing!!!!!! Cute and eligible guys are 1. Taken/ Married 2. Not interested in you/me 3. Gay 4. Dead. So freaking sad but true.
7.Quite of number of my friends have been asking why am I still single, and that they do not believe when I said I’m not seeing anyone special. Well, great question. I often ponder on it too. Haha! Sometimes I feel it’s because I did not open my options to other people. Perhaps there were interested parties, but I just did not reciprocate. Hence, I reject invites, I choose not to answer certain leading questions, I became a true blue ninja in this area. Even my boss thinks it’s my problem. He thinks that if I want to, I can definitely date someone, or anyone. He said, I probably had expectations of who I go out with. But everyone has expectations, isn’t it? My expectations aren’t really that HIGH. I just want someone who is tall, dark, handsome, rich, intelligent and humourous (See point 6) – straight and single. Is that really that difficult? Hahahaha!!
8. I had one of my happiest Valentine’s Day ever! Celebrated it with HZ and my cousin at the Ministry of Sound (MOS). The night was spent with a lot of giggles, cam whoring, drinks and games. However, the best part of the night was not about clubbing. It was the most fun when we were at Seletar Reservoir. Just us, three girls, armed with sparklers, soap bubbles and a mobile phone camera, leaping into the air, waving our lighted sparklers around, attempting to blow out the most bubbles from that single bottle of soap. It was pure joy, in possibly the most childish way, the most forgotten way, which is to spend it with friends.
9. Congratulations to Gek and Beeks!! Both weddings were beautiful and fun, though a tad tiring. I hope you newly weds enjoy an eternity of bliss and good health. Quick! Go start making babies!! Hur hur hur.. Congratulations to Jen and HY as well. Another two of my RCY girls getting married. Now, who wants to join my Spinsters’ club? – Chairperson: Bok. Haha!
10. I finally got settled into my current job after months of job hopping. The company is relatively huge and has offices in Seattle, Hong Kong etc. However, the office in Singapore is really small in terms of manpower. Even though there are not many of us, the environment is rather peaceful, without much politics revolving. Thankfully, my colleagues and I got along well, and my bosses have been nice to me so far. I really have nothing much to complain about.
11. My usual coffee meeting with Xan had somehow evolved into a monthly affair. It began a few months ago as I needed to do some banking at Vivocity, and took the chance to meet up with her. It was pretty much like a routine: banking> dinner> shopping> coffee, and she would then take the very long drive to send both of us home. Never once had she dropped me off the AYE like she threatened, and for that I’m really grateful. Our routine coffee meetings were often short, yet they are always the highlight of any week we arranged to meet in.
12. I’m really glad that I was able to enjoy the company of a couple of good friends. Of course, there is the Evergreen award going to Miss JX. Year 2008 marks the 19th year of our friendship. Fortunately, we have not lost the entertaining trait we have in us. Let us continue entertaining each other with jokes that probably no one else could understand. There is also Miss Sue Ann, my “window” buddy who always brings me around to interesting events, signed me into Zouk and drove me home after clubbing even though she was dead tired. It was always fun hanging out with these peeps. May there be more good times.
13. I finally had braces! I had to give myself a pat on my shoulders for finally facing up to my fears and realizing a childhood dream. Kudos to me!!
Well, there you go. I have just summarized a year of my life in 13 bullet points. A year of events seemed so short suddenly.
Year 2007 was not fantastic because the depressing moments were more overwhelming than the happy ones. I have come to realize that I am becoming more of an unhappy girl, as I face more times of loneliness. Maybe age does play a part in it, but I would really like to be the Wileen I used to know who would prance around, laugh out loud and be contented with her life. I only wanted to be happy, that’s all. I wish that year 2008 will bring me a lot more joy than 2007, and I hope the same goes to you too.
"Happy New Year peeps!"
Uncategorized | Comments (2)I am so sorry Guoqiang.
I am so sorry that I have not been in constant contact with
you.
Sorry that I have not cared enough to ask about you.
I regret that the last time we spoke was mainly because of
school work
And that I was not even able to see you for the last time.
No one informed me about your passing till late afternoon
today.
And that today was the last day of your wake.
I am sad that I cannot visit you,
Because I was the bridesmaid for my friend’s wedding today.
I wished that there is something I can do to pay my last
respect to you,
Or just to let you know how great a friend you had been to
me.
I will never forget the times when you stood by me when I was
down,
Especially when James two-timed me, left me for another and
got married.
I will remember how you tried to comfort me over a cup of
coffee at Liat Tower.
How you taught me to play volley ball on the sands of
Sentosa.
How we went to spy on couples making out at East Coast Park on a
stormy night.
Or how your infectious laughter never failed to brighten up my
day.
I will always remember the sunshine you bring along
everywhere you go,
The optimism you rubbed off me each time we met.
I know I may not be your bestest, closest friend,
But you are definitely one I truly treasured.
I am indeed thankful for you.
I heard from your friend that you have lost the battle to
the illness,
One that you fought so long and hard to overcome.
Nonetheless, you were a fighter in my heart
And I can imagine you in a better place filled with peace.
Where you have no more pain, no more worries of what
tomorrow may bring.
And only tranquility exists.
I believe that if there is a next life,
You will definitely be blessed with good health and
happiness.
I wish you peace wherever you may be.
Farewell KK!!!
Uncategorized | Comment (1)You removed me.
I guess it’s finally time to leave things be.
…….
I wished I love myself more
And stop dwelling on things that should not matter anymore.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)r.a.n.t.
A heavy downpour
A seemingly abandoned car
A group of Bangladeshis
A piece of music playing in the background
The cold wind
The lingering scent
The unspoken words
The oblivious…
The mindless rantings.
By the overgrown emo child.
HellOoo 26… POoof 25.. ~
Another birthday gone.
Thanks for the many peeps who wished me a Happy Birthday last
week. Thanks for all the gifts lavished on me. Thanks for all the drinks and
meals I was treated to. I felt really pampered and I really appreciated those nice
gestures, knowing that I am in your thoughts.
Last week was a blast. Birthday celebration/s started on 16 June, a Saturday.
16 June Dinner
with SIM peeps + Partying at Zouk
17 June Dinner
with RCY gals
20 June Dinner
with parents
21 June Dinner
with SIM peeps + Movie
22 June Dinner
with RCY peeps
25 June Crab
Dinner
I felt fat. Period.
Apart from that, I realized once again that birthdays aren’t
that great anyway. It’s just a great reason/excuse to really catch up with pals
I haven’t been able to meet for a while. A reason/excuse for me to feast, to
get drunk, to splurge and TRY not to
feel guilty about it (especially when I always “perform” all the above even without any
special occasion).
:
:
:
Oh well, I know I am self deluding. It is after all a
once in a year affair, isn’t it? I’ll like to believe that I’m entitled to it.
** For the month of June, here’s wishing…
Michelle, Lawrence,
Jeniffer, Bobby, Jianxin, and Brenan
…a Super Duper
Happy Birthday!!
Uncategorized | Comment (1)
Farewell to Alex
Happy Belated Mothers’ Day to all
mothers, and mothers to be!! I hope all mummies had an enjoyable day, feeling
much like a queen for the day.
Unfortunately, I supposed it was not
too much of a happy day for one mother I know.
————————————————————————————————————
Dear friends, Alex had left us at
the stroke of midnight, on Mothers’
Day.
I was choked for a moment. I
guess no mother would have expected such news on this day. I was not there when
he passed on. I could only hear it from JX’s quivering voice over the phone. It
was a solemn night. My best friend apparently putting up a strong façade, yet I
knew the pain must be ripping her apart. It was not like they had never shared
something special together before. She told me she was ok, that she had to be,
because everyone else was not. I knew there was nothing much I could do to make
her feel better.
Everyone was in mourning when I attended
the wake earlier on. Alex’s mum forced a weak smile when she saw me. I wanted
to comfort her, but people who know me should know I sucked at it. So I decided
that I shall just keep my mouth shut, just in case I made her feel worse than
she already is.
Most of us had been prepared for
the worst. Afterall, Alex had already put up a good fight for one whole month.
It was not easy for all of us, but knowing that he will probably face very low
quality of life even if he did wake up, and having him went through numerous
surgeries on his much damaged brain, I reckon that perhaps this was Alex’s idea
of being free from his helplessness and pain.
Sure, I am not his closest
friend, and maybe I do not know him like some others did. But from the few
occasions that we hung out together, I realized that Alex was a gentleman, a popular
guy though not with a great temper and he suffered from very serious insomnia.
Having said that, JX and I simply
cannot believe how ironic it is, now that he is having the longest sleep of his
life, and is never going to wake up.
My Red Cross senior made a video clip
to commemorate Alex’s life.
You guys should know I seldom
cry. But this clip actually made me tear.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReJZxY6zHb0
We hope that Alex is in a better
place now, in his own sanctuary, away from all pain and worries. So long, farewell, Alex.
"I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye — Goodbye"
Uncategorized | Comment (0)
Please pray…
Another of my friend from Red
Cross got into a severe car accident. I do not exactly feel like writing how it
happened, because the culprit is vicious and is one whom I deemed as insane, sharing
details will only leave me feeling full of angst. All I understood was that it
left my friend in a critical condition, and that he is currently fighting for
his dear life.
It felt all so surreal, reading
his blog about how he wanted to seek motivation in leading a more fulfilling
life, and how he wanted to remain positive especially for this year. He had just
logged into Friendster and MSN a day ago, and the turn of events within this
mere 24 hours astounded me.
It gets especially painful when you
only realise the uncertainty and cruelty in life during bad times and when harsh
facts are thrown right at your face.
I hope that by saying a silent
prayer will help him make it through. We have already lost Jane barely a year
ago to a fatal bike accident, one whom we all loved and still miss dearly. I
really hope Alex stays strong in his will to live because there are many people
who are praying hard for his survival.
I will be paying him a visit and keeping
my fingers crossed. Friends who know Alex (aka: Lim Weicong) as well, please say a little
prayer for him.